It is FALL and I am very excited. Tonight I was outside and cold sitting around a fire, and it was awesome. I could see the stars, and I was with friends and I was reminded about how big God is and yet he Loves me so. Lately I have been in a major funk. I don't what I am supposed to do with my life, which at any age can be scary, but when I am graduating from Seminary with my masters, just kind of feels, scarier. But two different people today reminded me again that God is Sovereign. I think having this as my constant reminder is great because it helps me realize that God is not going to leave me with my behind hanging out in the wind, but neither is he going to show me his whole plan for my life. So if you are reading this post will you please remember to pray that God will give me patience to trust him.

Okay so I am finally here. I am 29. My last year of being able to legitemately say that I am in my twenties. Ow that I think about it, being here is not all that different than being 28, or to be hinest, 27. I am still the same person that I was before. Maybe it is true, what I have always believed, maybe age doesn't really matter. Instead, maybe what is important is what you are doingwith your time. You can be wasting your time at any age, or you can really be doing something of significance with your life at any age. Why does this culture delight in making people feel old? Today I am going to try and have a new look on life. I am going to remmeber that God loves me, no matter my age. My family loves me and my friends love me, and to be honest, if my being 29 makes you shudder at the day when it will be you, :) Get over yourself!

I am going to be 29 in three days and it scares me to think about it. I'm sure when I was younger I never expected to not be married and have a family or even have a career by this time in my life. In so many ways though, I can't imagine my life being any different than it is right now. Life is a collection of stories and experiences (both bad and good) that make us who we are. I thank God for the expreiences that I have had so far, many of which I never would have been able to participate in had I been married.
So what is it about being 29 that scares me so much? It is still relatively young. I mean it's not as if we live in a place where the average age of death is 40. I am not becoming less of a person because I am a year older. In fact, I don't feel like I am going to be 29, instead feeling more like I should be turning 25. In a previous post, I wrote about trying to be content where I am, and I think that is a daily prayer of mine. So I guess, turning 29 does not signify the end of the world. :o)

So today I was reading about the Pope and all the disturbance that has been caused by his statements. I want to know when it became okay for Muslims to get upset when someone says something against their Prophet when they say stuff about Christians all the time. You don't see Christians around the world rioting because Radical Muslims call for the MURDER of Christians all over the world. What is wrong with this picture. I could understand the rioting over the Muhammad cartoons, but this is ridiculous. Has it gotten to a point where we cannot say anything against someone we disagree with.

Okay so this is the part I added later. I try to remember that these people who are rioting also need to know the love of Jesus. So what should we do? How do we love a people, some more than others, who would like to see us dead? I don't know how to reconcile this in my mind. I don't feel like it is right for us to be held hostage by fear that we might say something wrong and provoke a terrorist attack.

Ah yes, it is that time of year again. Alabama Football season is here and cab I say how excited I am. I love college football in general, but I truly love watching Alabama football. The knots and twists I get in my stomach every time they come on the field, are they going to screw up or play well. It is a never ending source of stress, and yet, I can't not watch it. I have cheered at games, I have laughed at games, I have sat in stunned or dismayed silence at games, and I have even cried (yes with real tears) at games. I bleed crimson, and I will always be the first one to come to the defense of my team, win or lose! So I say it now, ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!

So today I feel like using my blog for complaining. Last week I went to the rec center at the seminary and saw an announcement for a "Non-Married Student" game night. This frustrated me. We are called SINGLES. It was like we were being downgraded to second class citizens or something. I wanted to walk right up to the front desk and ask what it was all about. I wanted to ask if there would later be a "Non-Single Student" game night.
I mean it is not as if I love being single. I want to be in a relationship and be married, but God is sovereign and until the point where He chooses to change my single status, I am commanded to find joy in it. I am striving to be able to follow Paul's example about being content in all situations. So anyways, I just wanted other single people out there to know that we are not just to think of ourselves as "non-married", but we are children of God, loved by him, no less than if we were married and producing children.

Today I got a letter in the mail advertising graduation announcements and it hit me once again that I will be graduating from seminary. I am going to have Master's Degree, which really freaks me out. There are times when I still feel like a scared eighteen year old getting ready to start college. So now my future stretches out in front of me like a great unknown, which in many ways is okay with me. I sure wouldn't want to know when the bad things were going to happen, because then I would live in dread, and I wouldn't want to know when the good things were going to happen because then, they wouldn't be quite so surprising. So I think that as I sit here and feel somewhat anxious about my future, I will try to remember that ultimately God is in control, and relax and realize that He has a plan for my future, so I don't need to worry. If I am destined to make below poverty level for the rest of my life, then I must remember to do so with joy in my heart. Of course, I realize these words are easier written than followed!

Why is it that when I have to sit down and write a paper, I feel the need to play like a million games of Spider solataire, and I have like the worst writer's block!!!

What is it about insecurity that just can cripple a person? Twenty eight years and eleven months ago I was born. And probably from that point on I have struggled with feeling insecure about myself. I can look back and just see myself listening to the other babies in the nursery thinking "Well, they are crying, maybe I should be crying too." As I have grown up, there have been times that I have conquered it and then when i least expect it, the little voice in my head saying I'm not good enough will begin to sound itself loud and clear. In some cases, it has kept me from being the person who God created me to be. I can be outgoing and friendly one day and be scared of meeting new people the next. "What if they don't like me?" is still a question I ask at least every couple of Sundays, school days and any other day that it strikes me. How should I dress to be cool? What view should I express that will make me sound intelligent? These are the things that I wonder on a daily basis. Even what kind of music does my set of friends like? I used to worry that I would not know who I was because it was almost as if I changed my personality for whichever group I was a part of. But now I realize that I don't necessarily do that. I just hide the parts of myself that I am not sure fit in. In the mean time, I am honest enough to know that I am not cool, hip or edgy in any way. One of my favorite things to do is to sing as loud as I can and dance when I am in my car. I also like to dance in my apartment, read stupid books that require no brain function and watch movies that make me go all mushy in the middle. I am a hopeless romantic, who has a cynical side that says romace can't happen for me, and yet I want it anyway. I am a scared little girl when it comes to scary movies, but would fight to the death to protect someone in trouble. I am the sweet girl who always wanted to be something other than the sweet girl, because the sweet girls get run over all the time. I AM A PUSHOVER!!! I am the sarcastic girl who after saying things hopes she didn't hurt feelings. These are the things about me that are real. As I write thes, I think, maybe it doesn't matter if I am insecure, because maybe everyone else is too, and we all just live with some sort of front on in our lives. Maybe this is way Jesus dealt with people the way he did, because he knew their fronts and saw past them to their humanity. Their mushy centers hiding behind their shells. It is not like this is a new revelation to me, I just think that I have to be reminded of it everyday.

So this week I once again had the opportunity to see first hand the way that skewed views of God can harm children. I was asked once again to help teach the ecumenical VBS this year. I was excited, one, because I do love working at VBS and two, because I knew it would give me the opportunity to share the gospel. But it also broke my heart this week to see how these well meaning teachers were just teaching heresy. From telling the kids that they were the center of the church to telling them to look in the mirror and see the "Unknown God" that Paul was talking about, to explaining that when Lydia had all of her household baptized it was the first case of infant baptism, I could just see the way the gospel was being skewed. I think what bugged me most was the many references to Jesus' death without explaining the resurrection that happened three days later. What it really ed me to ponder on this week was the huge responsibility teachers, especially teachers of children have. I mean, this was the "truth" these kids were hearing all week long, and is was not truth at all. I am not a great theologian, but I think one of the problems in churches across the board today, not to mention seminaries and other religious colleges, is faulty teaching. Overall, it is those teachers who will be judged by God for misleading these children, but I know that I will now think hard about how I am teaching as well.

As I sit here in the computer lab, I realize that my time as a student is coming to and end. How did this happen? I mean one day, I 'm graduating from high school and moving to college and now ten years later, I'm approaching the day when I finally have to decide what I want to do with my life when I grow up. Do you remember how as a kid we all used to say things like, "I can't wait until I am an adult!" Well I am one and now I say that I wish I were a kid again. Not really, I mean I love the freedom I have, but I mean, I wish that I could still be an adult and just have my parents pay for everything.
So now I am faced with the fear of making career decisions. I still want to do overseas missions, but where, and for how long? The thought of living in the states kindof gives me a stomach ache, but what do I do until then? I guess right now I will just wait and see!

Last night I went to see the Da Vinci Code, and even though theologically it is incorrect, I did enjoy some of the acting. That having been said, I would just wait for the DVD.

I think I use to think that the press was a great thing, I mean here they are to inform us of all of the important things going on in the world. But now I'm not sure. The local newspaper would say outright that it is "liberal" and it is not hard to find equally "conservative" newspapers at all. Everybody knows which news channels will spin the news to their particular points of view. So how is one supposed to get the truth. In some ways, I wish this were the age before Vietnam, where secrets were kept and so was innocence. Is the world any better for being able to know all the dirty scandels that exist with all those people in power in the world? How does that improve our society? But is it any better to turn a blind eye to corruption and crime? So here I stand wishing that there was a news source that was unbiased and wishing even more that the character of those in power made it unnecessary to report scandel anyways. It's true I admit it, I'm an idealist.

Hey I just found a website called myheritage.com and it was fun. I was compared to everyone from ricky lake and drew barrymore to osama bin laden and dustin hoffman. How Fun!!

OKay so today I think there are two things that need to be said. One, does anyone else think of the Olympics as a magical time? I sat last night watching the opening ceremony just thinking how glad I was that it was time for the Olympics again. I love the Olympics. I will sit down and watch the skiing, snowboarding and almost anything having to do with them and just cheer my heart out. When they are over I feel like Christmas is over all over again. I cry when people fall and I laugh too (especially the figure skaters). All I can say is I am glad they have started again.
Second, does anybody else like to dance for no reason. I walk through the grocery store, or on my campus and listen to my ipod, because I want too. Then I hear a song that I like and I cannot help but begin to dance!! I realize that this may mke me a weirdo, but who cares. Dancing is how I express life at its fullest! So if you are reading this today, turn up your stereo whe you get in the car and DANCE.

I think that sometimes life is weird. I mean a couple of years ago a friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer. Now that is unfortunately that rare, but it never seems like it is something that can happen to someone who is close to you and younger than you. now she is dying.those four words bring a chill to the bone. As I called people last night to ask them to pray, many of them asked if she was a Christian. I answered yes she was and was greeted with, well that's good. I began to think about how those words can be so uncomforting. I mean, I know that when she dies she will be in heaven, but it still doesn't take away the hurt that SHE IS DYING!! How many times have I offered those words as comfort without realizing that they don't necessarily meet the need of the mourner? I can't be angry with God, I mean I have confidence that he will be glorified through this situation no matter what, but I wish I could ask him what His plan is. So anyway, if anybody reads this please keep my friends Berenika in your prayers.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop on a rainy Sunday afternoon and wondering about how cool I look. I mean seriously, I live in this tendy neighborhood in my city and am probably the least cool person within a five mile radius. As I listen to the conversations around me (don't get all accusatory you do it too!), I hear people trying their best to sound as intellectual and hip as possible. What is it with us? I mean, I have done the same thing with the hope that no one will realize that I haven't a clue what I am talking about :). Anyways, I guess I can't judge them, I didn't even hear the whole conversation due to the fact that I didn't really care what they were talking about. Basically they were talking about a book and how interesting it was, but how it was just for fun and not anything meaningful ( we all need books like that in our lives, Harry Potter is my favorite for those occasions), but then the conversation turned to Hollywood and how movies are stupid, which for the most part I agree. That's why I love them!!!!!! I mean truly, how many of us want to go to a movie and be depressed by how real it is. I go to the movies to see something not real!
All this is neither here nor there. Hey if your reading my blog your like only the thrid or fourth person to do so. Hope you enjoyed it.
I am almost done ranting now. I think sitting here in this really "cool" coffee shop is getting old and I must get ready to leave anyways.