What is it about insecurity that just can cripple a person? Twenty eight years and eleven months ago I was born. And probably from that point on I have struggled with feeling insecure about myself. I can look back and just see myself listening to the other babies in the nursery thinking "Well, they are crying, maybe I should be crying too." As I have grown up, there have been times that I have conquered it and then when i least expect it, the little voice in my head saying I'm not good enough will begin to sound itself loud and clear. In some cases, it has kept me from being the person who God created me to be. I can be outgoing and friendly one day and be scared of meeting new people the next. "What if they don't like me?" is still a question I ask at least every couple of Sundays, school days and any other day that it strikes me. How should I dress to be cool? What view should I express that will make me sound intelligent? These are the things that I wonder on a daily basis. Even what kind of music does my set of friends like? I used to worry that I would not know who I was because it was almost as if I changed my personality for whichever group I was a part of. But now I realize that I don't necessarily do that. I just hide the parts of myself that I am not sure fit in. In the mean time, I am honest enough to know that I am not cool, hip or edgy in any way. One of my favorite things to do is to sing as loud as I can and dance when I am in my car. I also like to dance in my apartment, read stupid books that require no brain function and watch movies that make me go all mushy in the middle. I am a hopeless romantic, who has a cynical side that says romace can't happen for me, and yet I want it anyway. I am a scared little girl when it comes to scary movies, but would fight to the death to protect someone in trouble. I am the sweet girl who always wanted to be something other than the sweet girl, because the sweet girls get run over all the time. I AM A PUSHOVER!!! I am the sarcastic girl who after saying things hopes she didn't hurt feelings. These are the things about me that are real. As I write thes, I think, maybe it doesn't matter if I am insecure, because maybe everyone else is too, and we all just live with some sort of front on in our lives. Maybe this is way Jesus dealt with people the way he did, because he knew their fronts and saw past them to their humanity. Their mushy centers hiding behind their shells. It is not like this is a new revelation to me, I just think that I have to be reminded of it everyday.